Cheeky LA County City Declares Cow Parsnip Are Trash

You’ll remember the story of the city of La Puente being told that they needed to clean up trash near certain areas. That appears to be a message La Puente parents and students are…

Cheeky LA County City Declares Cow Parsnip Are Trash

You’ll remember the story of the city of La Puente being told that they needed to clean up trash near certain areas.

That appears to be a message La Puente parents and students are taking to heart, because for the first time ever the city has declared an “association between cow parsnip and littering.”

The San Gabriel Valley Tribune reports that a ban will be lifted next week that would have turned these types of aggressive, indigestible cow parsnip into a delicacy in high-end restaurants. In fact, it’s apparently hard enough to eat off a vineyard.

La Puente is an area of the valley populated by foodies and a sense of pride at being able to have your own charcuterie, or chard. Not having to clean up after your neighbors won’t hurt the local economy any, either.

You’re right.

The City Council passed an ordinance that would have required regular sweeps to remove garbage from the city’s streets. Under the ordinance, a plan would have been in place to clean up the trash after Cow Parsnip Season. As the local newspaper reports, seasonal jobs could have been offered to nearby farmers, as well as people recycling the parsnip for sale on local farms.

Folks in town are apparently upset that the association between cow parsnip and littering apparently endangers public health. So you might recall when we talked about pulling an ally on the local commuter tax.

But it seems like things have come full circle. After showing their extreme commitment to covering their backsides, some local folks came to visit with the mayor.

And also there’s some science.

According to a report published by the CDC, “Cow parsnip is the larvae of a parsnip cultivar (Bulrush) that were native to western North America.”

But why you ask? That’s easy. The USDA pegs cow parsnip as having high levels of phenolic compounds and oestrogen — possibly by forcing you to menstruate, and estrogen exposure can cause thyroid cancer and osteoporosis.

But that’s not all. The CDC actually found that cow parsnip stores the opium alkaloid methylenedioxypyrovalerone, or MDPV. This form of MDPV is produced by brown tobacco when it is not being heated at high temperatures. But according to the report, “Cow parsnip contains a version of MDPV that may be more potent than typical nicotine-containing cigarettes.”

The high levels of this type of MDPV are the reason the CDC says that people who tend to smoke frequently, especially African Americans and Native Americans, are especially susceptible to the disease.

This is tragic, tragic news for the souls that will have their life stopped just by consuming a twig of an invasive pest that is now threatening to be brought to the San Gabriel Valley.

We hope that before they read this story, these folks are sent to The Organic Gardeners of Pasadena for a long hard look and an order for kale or lettuce — preferably along with a duck egg-blasted smoking pipe.

John Collett is the President of San Gabriel Valley Academy Charter Public Schools. He can be reached at [email protected]

Views expressed in this article are the opinions of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Epoch Times.

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